Compassion v. Beliefs?

I am vocal in my belief of the sanctity of marriage.  When I hear people complaining about their spouse, I always try to turn things around to the positive side. Or I point out how wrong it is for them to complain about what they are complaining about…

 I am currently working with a woman who is contemplating a divorce; gathering information and “processing” the situation.  Her complaints stem from her husband’s job.  He is an over-the-road truck driver and is away a large portion of the time.  My first question to this woman was “Was he a truck driver before you were married?”  My thought being that if she knew that he would be away from home that often before she was married, this is a sign that perhaps she thought he would change.  This is a bad way to start a marriage.

 The path she is choosing is not one that I can condone.  However, I can only limit contact and conversation with her;  I cannot completely avoid either.  And should I?  As a person, I feel compassion and sympathy for her when I hear her speak of 14 years of marriage about to end.  I want to comfort and be a friend, yet I don’t want to condone a divorce. 

 This is an issue common to working in a secular position.  In being compassionate, even if I state that I do not believe in divorce, would my actions be saying this is okay?  I pray that God gives me the words to say, and in the meantime, continue to reaffirm where I stand so this does not become so commonplace that it becomes acceptable to me.

Marriage now appears to be “just something you do.” Divorce is easy to obtain. Most people do not realize how it affects others around them.  This woman missed a day of work, Valentine’s Day.  While I don’t recognize this day, many do, and this was not a day she wanted to be in public.  This affected all of us at work as we all had to take our turn filling in her position throughout the day.  This is not a private matter.   It affects us all.  “This world we live in is interconnected.” (taken from “Private Life” 1/14/08)  

Suggested reading: http://soulsharborofrockford.wordpress.com/2008/01/14/private-life/ 

Matthew 5:28 and Common Sense.

I was at a small get-together of sorts and the topic of discussion had swung around to a movie just released on dvd and video. I have not seen the movie. I do not wish to see the movie. I hope I never have to watch the movie. Anyway, a member of the group asked a male member of the group if he had seen it; he had. Apparently, he didn’t like the movie too much. His response was something very close to “I think it’s only redeeming quality was that the lead girl was really sexy.” At which time both his wife and I stared at him, dumbfounded at how openly he said it.

Ready?

That was just inconsiderate. Outright rude. This is a guy who is not religious, but spends so much time worrying about being a good guy.

Those of this world think ”Hey, he thought some girl was hot. So what?”; it was inconsiderate. Let me put it this way. Say you are an attorney and you are defending some guy on a criminal case. You lose. You’re standing in the courtroom when the judge announces a life sentence. You turn to your client, who is now going to rot in jail and say, with a laugh “Oh man, I lost so bad! You are so going to jail!”

Yes, that is my comparison, and I stand by it. Let’s not forget Matthew 5:28 says “But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” That should be enough, but since it is sadly not when dealing with the world, let’s think about this…

I was unhappy and uncomfortable and I’m not the one married to him.  How must his wife have felt?  These type of comments are damaging and hurtful and nobody seems to want to stand up and say it is not right. His wife said nothing. When did we decide that this is acceptable behavior? When did we decide that we would stifle legitimate feelings because “everyone does it?”

My brother says “If you want to be happy with what you have, stop focusing on everything else. Focus on what you have.” (Yeah, I know, other people have said it too, but he’s the one that I listened to.) It’s more than a nice saying, it’s true; I speak from experience.

 As though the rest of the world had not damaged us enough while we were growing up, we now allow our spouses to contribute.

Don’t be afraid to say this is not right. You never know whose life you will make a difference in. You never know who you will help to realize that this is not how it has to be; and in the end, you may even save a marriage, even if it is by helping a person realize that they don’t have to marry someone who lusts after others before they are married.  It will certainly help you realize the person you want to be.